I have lost my life. I have lost everything. I wish I had lost all my materials and money instead.
I never imagined it could come to this end.
I lost the love of the people I loved.
And I lost her.
I lost my Nika.
I don’t want to carry on living.
What’s to live for?
This is my life now.
Take a look at it.
Dull as it could ever be.
I put the sunglasses on at all times to hide the sadness away from others who seem to have a better life.
I don’t envy them; I just wish I could see the world as they see it.
Maybe they put on a fake look and whatever is inside of them is very well kept subtly hidden inside their hearts.
Mine is aching for her presence.
Thinking of every beautiful moment she gave me has been hitting me so many times.
Even when I occupy my 24 hours and try and avoid any free gaps in my mind, I still think of her.
It ain’t a choice to think of her, it just happens as if someone is flickering the switch of her memories flashing it towards my sight.
I ran so many miles, I drifted my brain so far away but the more of such acts I take, the more the thought of her provokes what I am trying to get myself away from.
I have lost the interest of living, I have lost the genuine smile I once had for life, I have lost the very cheerful reason I always set myself to be happy in this world.
Every cloudy moment; I look up waiting for the sun to shine and I look forward for a text from her.
The more days pass, the closer I feel for us will be together again.
I get fleeting feelings that she thinks of me, our good memories and our beautiful love.
Yes she’s gone from my life and she’s now happy.
I am happy she’s happy.
I will always be.
But the world of my Nika is only inside my head; created and designed by a broken heart.
A heart that is longing for a touch of her long fingers, a smile from her rosy lips, a look from her shiny eyes and a smell of her body’s scent.
I wish I could just die and end the suffering of accepting a reality that I simply can’t accept.
I counted on time as everyone said, but with time the wound of my heart is expanding throughout my whole body bleeding the loss of her love through my tears.
I cry first thing I get up in the morning, I cry on the prayer mat, I cry in the shower and I cry tearlessly when I am around others which is the most painful of all.
If you are reading this Nika, I love you with every tear that has dropped from the time you left, everything I have been doing since that day was to try and stitch the wounds of losing you back together but now I have succumbed to an utter pain of not having you with me anymore.
I tried so many times to send you a text or make you a video but I don’t want to disturb your happy life that I always set myself as a top priority.
Your happiness will always be my top priority.
I love you.